Women Seeking Men, part 2

 In “Woman Seeking Men” part one we started with carriage and body language. This is because YOU are the most important person who will ever be in your life.

Most of us have heard the expression that “men are visual”. Good posture, carriage and body language are that part of your appearance which never leaves you.Yes, looks are generally important to guys, but the reason they like beautiful woman on their arm is because of the way it makes them FEEL.

I shouldn’t admit this to anyone, but a man once left me for a hideous beast of a woman (imagine Sponge Bob in a track suit… only worse). Okay, she did look up at him with adoring eyes that seemed to make him melt but I watched her body language closely because, hell, I wanted to know why he left ME for HER.

She touched him in a reassuring way… almost guarding him… the way a mother might protect a child. A week later he posted a picture of himself as a child with his mother and yup, you guess it… Sponge Bob looked just like his mother in a 1950’s hairstyle. She touched him in almost the exact same ways his mother did. He didn’t need a lover, he needed his MOM! I didn’t take it so personally after I understood the reason behind it.

Which brings me back to Lady Diana and Prince Charles (who has often been characterizeddiana as “too weak to rule”), surrounded by strong women like the Queen and the tougher than nails Queen Mother, he needed a strong woman beside him. Camilla fit that role and, believe it or not, Camilla looks surprisingly like the woman who raised Charles… his nanny.

Charles had no plans to give up the throne like his great Uncle Edward VIII did (who ran off with the American divorcee, Wallis Simpson). Charles needed a good mother for future rulers. Enter the kind loving soul who was Diana. With her gentle demeanor and the face of an angel, she never had a chance.

wallace and edward

Wallis Simpson and King Edward VIII

 

Am I telling you that men want their mothers? No. I’m telling you why YOUR self-awareness matters. The strong and intelligent Wallis and Camilla knew that they were domineering women. They hooked up with malleable men and were opportunistic enough to marry royalty.

Would you be happy with a strong and decisive male or would you rather have it your way? Would an equal partnership or a combination of role reversal suit you?

A psychologist once explained it to me this way. A child is born with a basic character. The world we land into molds us like clay. We tend to choose mates who fit our mold because it makes us feel good, safe, warm and happy or sucked dry, abused and treated like a doormat. It sort of explains why so many of us chase the “bad boys”, or why we continually repeat that same awful relationship.

So, look at your list of qualities. Are you strong and decisive? How would that fit with a mate who is also strong and decisive? Ah, but the answer is not that easy. Many women who need to be in control in their daily lives still want a man to take charge at night.

I hope to help change your thinking from “Will he like me?” and get you to ask a different question. “Will I be happy with him?”

Most women in my generation were brought up to cater to their mates, even today three-quarters of us report that we want the man to take charge. Yet up to half of the men want a female lead relationship (FLR). Wallis Simpson and Camilla Parker Bowls (like Sponge camillaBob) were in the small percentage of women who were naturals in the FLR. Neither Charles nor Edward could shake their needs, once they were met.

Make a list of what qualities you need in a mate and I don’t mean, tall, handsome and drives a Porsche. Make an honest assessment of what kind of man would make you happy.

I’d be bored by a doormat but so would many men. The truth is that most of us like a mate who gives us a little trouble because that’s the kind of world our clay landed into. So if you meet tall handsome in a Porsche … make him wait. He will wonder why you didn’t fall all over him.

Next week I will start to speak about man-magnets that I have known and what made them irresistible.

Jonna