In part four of Woman Seeking Men (the search engines are finding the words ‘woman seeking men’… yay!), I hope you will open to love.
Carrie and Steve were a power couple, both good looking, smart with brilliant careers ahead of them. The conversation went something like this:
“I’m breaking up with Steve.”
“Carrie, why? You two are great together.”
“When we get the morning paper the first thing he digs for is the Living section, Can you believe that? He digs past the hard news to find the Living section!”
“Offensive.” I pursed my lips.
“You’re making fun of me?”
“Carrie, you broke up with Bill because he put ketchup on everything. Tom watched too much sports.”
“Not just sports, Tom watched wrestling!”
“And Ed collected model cars and Frank snored. Should I go on? Did you ever hear the old story of the guy who was married seventeen times and all seventeen of them were impossible to live with?”
“But none of them were…”
“They weren’t romantic.”
I read an article about romance novels written from a man’s perspective. He felt that romance portrayed men as feeling too deeply and that they noticed every detail or nuance. In his opinion men didn’t remember “that tiny auburn tendril and how it caressed her check”. He claimed that men remember:
- a) If he found her attractive, or
- b) How he felt when he was with her.
He believed that the formula for the success of the romance novel was that female authors wrote hot masculine characters that possessed the minds and personality traits of a female.
I often hear the words I’m picky or I don’t want to settle, and I don’t think you should. I think everyone should have great love in their lives. That having been said, I wonder if highlander romances and those Hallmark movies have caused us to set the bar too high for the male population to attain. They are… actually… human.
He must be handsome and smart, successful, able to write excellent poetry, dance well, drive a Porsche, make us laugh, not eat ketchup, be romantic, have great taste in wine, be spiritual and sensitive but have that bad-boy side that we find irresistible and look good in a kilt.
And all we have to do is make them feel good.
I have faults… lots of them… I don’t want even you to know about some of them. Still, I want to be accepted for myself, my authentic self, and be loved and cherished in spite of them all.
Why would I not do the same for my lover?
Wayne Dyer said “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Does that mean we settle for less than we want, or can we widen our choices by softening the view or seeing in a slightly different light?
What qualities are essential in a man? Think about why each is important. For instance, you may value honesty but what good is honesty if it’s not tempered by good judgment and kindness? You might try journaling to organize these thoughts. Prioritize and if it’s a solid non-negotiable, MUST HAVE then keep it, but being picky (like my friend Carrie) can lead to alone.
If you want love… be open to receive it and know that it can come in all shapes and sizes. Love can surprise you, so why limit yourself?
As I write the sequel to Toggle (not your typical romance) I contemplate my character’s journey. She had been completely closed off from love. After fault-seeking missions (I mean really picky!) and a million reasons why not to love, Sophie arrived at that one “Toggle” moment and her viewpoint is altered forever. That’s the moment she opens her heart and those breathtaking lovers have been there all along. Now that she’s open to love, the question isn’t “will I find it?” but “which one will I choose?”
I hope you’re open to allowing love, to receiving love… to… loving.
And when he finds you, I hope he looks great in a kilt!